MARATHON SEX CHAMP SHOCK

The marathon sex champion Phil 'KNOBBER' Harder, has had his world record title taken from him yesterday.  Harder who gained the title two months ago by Knobbing 26.3 tarts in a record 8 hours and 34 minutes.  It seems that KNOBBER was grassed up by a jealous rival and failed a blood test taken shortly after the event.  Full details have not yet been released but there have been rumours of traces of amphetamines and Viagra.  When asked about this KNOBBER said that he had been feeling a bit droopy from worshiping at the Church of Larger the night before.  I asked him how he felt about losing his title and he said "Bollocks to the title, I only did it to shag loads of ropey tarts".  So this leaves the title open for any young hopefuls.
 

TRIATHLON

Entrees are now being taken for the Triathlon.  It looks to be a strong field this year, with some contestants starting their training the morning after the event last year.  The current records stand like this;

Fastest Pint Down in One (Fifteen Rounds)
3.89 seconds

Furthest Projectile Vomit
3.27 meters

Morning After 100m Hurdles to the Bog
15.68 seconds

That's all sports fans!